When I was a young boy I played cards with my friend and his Sicilian father. Dad would cheat. He’d palm cards, fudge the score, take extra turns. When I got to age 9 I realized he was cheating and I was so mad. Cheating was wrong! I realized much later that he was teaching us a lesson. That while it might be wrong, sometimes people will cheat you. He taught us to recognize being cheated.

When I was 15 I applied for a job at the local grocery store. Part of the hiring process was a test for produce codes. I had not memorized them, I went to the beach instead. I was screwed. But someone else had brought a cheat sheet and offered it to me. I was shocked, cheating was unethical! I declined and I did not get the job.

The finale of Heartstopper has a nice moment of queer solidarity. Charlie can’t get permission from the school to start an LGBT club. His art teacher offers to help and says “historically, us queers have never asked for permission to exist.” It’s an important lesson in surviving as an oppressed minority.

When I was 16 I started having sex with other guys. That was illegal in Texas then. Not so much my age (although maybe that too) but the fact that two young men loving each other was a crime. That was a law I joyfully broke as often as I could.

The US is currently falling into fascism because of a political movement empowered by its willingness to cheat and corrupt. I’m not advocating for that kind of wholesale ignoring of ethics. But it’s important to recognize when you are being cheated. And to know when you yourself can break the rules a bit, whether to get an advantage that harms no one, or for civil disobedience, or just to get laid in a place that has made you an outlaw.