The Beautiful Room Is Empty

I read this right after finishing A Boy's Own Story and wow did I like this a lot. Just a better, more compelling book for me in every way.

With the first book I wrote that it felt strangely impersonal and guarded, like the author didn't want to reveal much about himself. Absolutely not that here in this second book, it felt intensely personal and emotionally raw. There's still a veil, he has a habit of not dwelling deep in his own emotions in his prose. But those feelings are all right there in the text for you to understand, it feels like in the years between writing the two books White got much more comfortable with himself, understood his own feelings better, then wrote this book with that knowledge. Maybe that's also a hallmark of the freedom of gay liberation.

The main thing I loved about this book is how connected it made me feel to my own life growing up gay in the 80s. I knew a few gay men of White's background, same general age and education and class. I always thought I'd have plenty of time to get to know them better, to learn from them and grow in my own way. But that was all sundered by the AIDS crisis and also by the normal gap of generations and cultures. I'm glad I came out into Queer Nation rather than self-loathing psychotherapy, I'm glad for the support I had and feel how painful so many of White's experiences are as he comes to terms with himself. But I also respect where he came from and think there's a lot to learn from it.

This book benefits from being a liberation journey, a transition to being out and gay. Ending at the Stonewall Uprising is an excellent way to frame the whole book. And of course it's a pre-AIDS narrative, events in the 60s, although written in the mid to late 80s AIDS must have been very much on his mind. I'm going to roll right in to reading The Farewell Symphony and am almost a little scared to, it's very painful to read narratives of the AIDS crisis.

This is a bit of a jumbled review; I honestly just finished the book and need to sit with it awhile to come to clear thoughts. Right now I'm overwhelmed with fondness for the author and pleasure at how well written this book is.